Sometimes dealing with family or coworkers seems more like talking to a bunch of two year olds. You always seem to hear “but I want to do it this way.” Life is a series of negotiations, both big and small. But some recent research by psychologists that can give you that extra edge to get what you want. How about getting you husband to take the vacation you want, getting your coworkers on board for your big idea, or recruiting friends for a cause.

Here are some tips:

According to Iowa State University psychologists, women are better problem solvers than men. So use your superior skills to find areas of compromise. Here’s and example from Carnegie Mellon University economist Linda Babcock, PhD, coauthor of the new book Ask for It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want. She says don’t just say to your husband “I want to go to Key West.” That’s an intractable position. Instead talk about what you want out of you trip, like “I want to go sailing and spend time on the beach.” Then ask him for the same. From there you can find some common ground that should include a seaside location with a PGA golf course. 

When wanting to make sure your ideas are heard, Stephen Garcia, PhD, of the University Of Michigan Gerald R. Ford School Of Public Policy says state your case over and over because when one person expresses an opinion repeatedly, in a friendly way, it is the same as several people lobbying the point. Repetition evokes a sense of familiarity, making it seem that convictions are widely shared. But before pushing an idea, Caroline Keating, PhD, a psychology professor at Colgate University suggests mimicking your coworkers' communication styles. If your coworker leans in slightly while talking to you, do the same, and mirror her speech pattern. "Get in sync nonverbally with the other person--it's much easier to agree with someone if you're on the same wavelength," says Keating. As you're enjoying that easy rapport, refer to your idea a few times in a positive tone. To increase the likelihood that your idea is given priority at work, Garcia suggests repeating it to key people over several days or weeks but don't jump the office chain of command.

Trying to get a friend behind your favorite cause, try this. Make it personal because people are more receptive to an idea when it's illustrated by a good story, says Melanie Green, PhD, a psychology professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. A University of Southern California study found those watching the TV drama ER were 65% more likely than others to eat healthfully after watching an episode featuring obese patients with hypertension. So, if you're trying to interest a friend in your favorite charity, skip the facts and figures and focus on people the organization has helped and their stories of triumph or sorrow. "Most people recognize that poverty is a problem, but when they learn about what a real person actually experiences, it runs deeper," says Green. Keep in mind, too, that real-life accounts are usually harder to dispute than a set of data.