Your son is throwing a tantrum over dinner, pushes his plate onto the floor and then refuses to pick it up. Your daughter won’t get dressed, has taken all her dolls and tossed them down the stairs, and says you can’t make her pick them up. Neither one will go to timeout and when you put them there, they defiantly run to another room. What do you do? Is it time to spank you son or daughter? 

Parenting experts disagree about the effectiveness of spanking and so do parents. Do you know a kid whose parents spank him but he still continues the naughty behavior week after week? Have you seen a parent who stands there over and over telling their child “this behavior is not acceptable” and “go to timeout” while the little one runs in a circle yelling at the top of their lungs ignoring the admonitions of mom or dad? You probably answered yes to both questions. So what does that say about the effectiveness of spanking?

The better question is, “what is the role of spanking?” What are we as parents trying to accomplish with a spanking? When we discipline our kids we are trying to give them guidance and teach self control but there should be a consequence for bad behavior. Life is full of consequences for choices both good and bad that we make every day. So what role does spanking as a consequence play? It seems to depend on the type of spanking. Within the last two generations a “whuppin” was not uncommon with a belt or a switch pulled from a tree in the backyard. But that kind of punishment was excessive and probably had something to do with the parent’s anger at the time as well. A swat or two on the butt to snap the child out of their current unreasonable state doesn’t meet that same standard. 

                                                                                                                                                But spanking should not be the primary form of punishment because it teaches kids that might makes right and its okay to hit. Rewards and restrictions are much more effective with kids because it allows them the opportunity to self correct behavior. It also teaches them self discipline and to recognize consequences in daily life. 

But realistically they are still kids and do not have all the coping tools that most adults have. So sometimes a spanking can be an effective tool to stop your child from emotionally spinning out of control. If your think your child needs a spanking they should be warned first, i.e. told if the behavior does not stop they will get a spanking. And then you should tell them why you spanked then right before and right after the incident. Spanking should not be a regular tool in your parenting skill set, but it does have a place, just make sure you use it wisely.